January 2015

clip art modest hottest hawaii beach personal finance ha! yes!

When Modest HAS to be Hottest

What could be more sexy than personal finance software? Well, everything, of course. But if you’re enticing buyers with a free Hawaiian vacation, you might think it’s okay to shed a layer or two. You might think wrong, Buster.

The client was really not the culprit—but their client, a reseller of the software product, is a very conservative religious organization that would much rather see fabric than skin. I, being slow on the uptake, plus an ardent skin-lover, often had to make more than one attempt.

Above is a web page with contest rules. The hula bobble-doll had too much potential to drive lascivious home accountants mad with desire, so we replaced her with a pineapple, known for its anti-aphrodisiac properties. I tried a tiki-glass drink, but that was just promoting a different brand of sin.

Onward to the home page beach scene. I knew that bikinis would spell trouble. I believe there’s a biblical passage regarding 2-piece swimwear and stoning. So I used this happy couple in shirts and shorts. But there was trouble in paradise, in the form of too much leg. And legs lead inexorably to Satan’s playground.

So I scoured clip-art photos of women in shorts until I found someone in a similar pose. I carefully snipped her shorts off and put them on the beach woman. FYI, the woman whose shorts were removed had, literally, nothing under the shorts. Just blank whiteness. No ethical boundaries were crossed.

All ended well, with both models attired in baggy shorts, an effective form of birth control. But to be safe, I had a backup plan, which involved pairing our guy up with this woman in Victorian beach attire. Just in case.

Household Finance’s Mortal Enemy

By the time I finished creating the below banner ads (same client as the Hawaii promotion) I knew that the only thing worse than legs, in the exciting world of home accounting, is breasts. If you absolutely can’t avoid owning a set of these nurturing appendages, you will find greater success in using financial apps if you disguise said protrusions with more clothes or a mask. Please, no clown masks.

This woman’s strained jacket was too titillating for our use, but various poses of her were used in other banner ads, so we really needed this vertical shot, to stay consistent. Fortunately, she’s wearing black, which hides the folds and shadows that fabric produces. I selected an area where her jacket might drape if it were not produced by Victoria’s Secret, matched the color and easily painted it in.

As with the beach scene (to your left), I had a backup version in case my alterations weren’t conservative enough. One can’t be too careful.